by mamasch

Planning a new baby….the first thought…Initially, it is a seeded fantasy. A visionary image of bringing a new life on earth. A part of your every being always and forever.

Then it happens and you learn about the transformation in your body, there is a new heartbeat inside of you.

Wow, it finally is happening! The time has come. A new soul journey about to enter earth is on the universe’s schedule.

After the initial experience of having your first child, gradually you begin to think about siblings. You sit back and keep wondering when the best time will be.

Is there a perfect age gap?

Age gaps carry various elements for consideration. There are financial, emotional, intellectual aspects together with health consequences too.

When the first baby arrives, there is a showering of blessings in all prices, sizes, and sparkling attention into their presence at the center stage. Then, the time arrives for a brand new incoming entrance in the baby’s elite space and dimension.

In some cases growing up together may be full of contrasts with random tension and ongoing battles of multiple ‘who, what and how’ blame games. This is the initiation of a foundation. Eventually, they accept each other with all the differences. Later they may be separate by lifestyles and be miles apart, but the rooted lifelong link never flounders and soars above all of the stages and life cycles.This connection is beyond world dimension expressions…A universal connection of siblings

So How do we Co-ordinate Birth Spacing?

Much thought and focus are placed in figuring out the best time for another new life. Truth is, there is no best time. There are both benefits as well as drawbacks whether they are spaced closer together or far apart. It all depends on the dynamics of the family and what can be managed or the needs desires and aspirations of the family.

Different Strokes for Different folks – An analysis of age gaps

All life circumstances and pathways differ so much, the ideal family laid out the recipe is not in a readymade manual. It all depends on the timing of the universe, and the purpose of the new soul.

I had a unique experience, rare and not common in everyday social norms. After a first baby girl, I was at a young tender age and we ‘grew up’ together. I had no plan of conceiving and did not see it as a practical, in realms of the opening opportunities of building up career and life. When she was in her late teens, the thought of a new baby sprung up. ‘When are you deciding to bring my little brother into the world?’ Not a little brother I replied, humorously ‘triplets, three prophets of the future. Initially, all was comedic fantasy. Triplets? We made graphical presentations. My daughter, an artist, created artwork, and drawings. Eventually, it happened. The little boy was born. ‘A combo triplet’ he was and even the day of his arrival added up to 333…

I always sit back, reflecting on if life circumstances allowed preparation of an ideal age gap for a new sibling, what would it be?

In the puzzle pieces of life, siblings serve as the learning guides and mentors for each other. Siblings are platforms that launch real life tutorials of co-conspiring and collaborating. The unison route along trails of caution in the maze of protection lights, bridges of envy and torment life games. The sibling board game with counseling playmate tokens monopolizes on teachings in the ‘life maze discipline.’

The Twelve to Eighteen month gap

It is generally known kids with fewer years between them are less apart; they have lower levels of sibling rivalry and play well. The reason is that the identity or jealousy has not developed yet in the first child and the playmate is welcomed.

Another reason for the smaller age gaps is parents would like the period to condense into a single occurrence of sacrifice in their lifespan

The National Health Institute of health indicated that observational studies of revealed that parents coped with this age gap the easiest as they could treat both kids similarly. The children play the same games, have the same friends and share activities. According to Baer et al, there is more creativity when children are spaced closer together.

When it comes to childcare choices, the age gap is a huge help when co-coordinating childcare rather than juggling arrangements.

The Close Age Gap Drawbacks

When kids are spaced close together there is balancing the needs of a toddler with the brand new arrival. Physically the mother is still in recovery from the first baby and might have to force wean him if she is still in the process of breastfeeding the first child. You start to feel like there has not been enough alone time to bond with the first baby before the arrival of the next

Obstetricians usually recommend eighteen months as the best time, but then you the oncoming ‘terrible twos’ awaits.The sibling rivalry intensifies as the toddler is developing an identity and personal needs.

Because they are so close in age, it may be difficult to enjoy their individualism and toddler activities will have limits in early years.

Studies indicate (Kauai Longitudinal Study) that neither of the children can get sufficient attention to create the bond between mother and child that is needed to flourish. The first-born tends to feel overly responsible and guilty when things are not in order.

Competition with common interest leaves one becoming insecure, usually the younger one if he does not do as well as the older sibling. At school, the younger may feel like they are in the older child’s shadow academically. Eventually, there will be double the expenses of college, weddings, and all the rest in a close succession.

The Three Years and older Gap

The sibling rivalry reduces when the age gap is above three years. The oldest has reached a secured independent stage. The mother has recovered from the challenging first pregnancy. With a larger age gap, single attention is more possible.

  • Spaced with a larger gap they may not play as well together in the initial years and the diaper, potty, night feeding routines begin again with experience this time .off course!
  • The first-born is more aware that he needs to wait for his personal needs. The status of being the older child comes with self-reliance in dressing, using the toilet and eating contentedly by them.
  • Research studies indicate that the older child is enhanced in reading and math.
  • Intense parenting phases are easier with an independent and calmer child that is more articulate and can self-entertain.
  • The maturity levels are reached the understanding time of separation from you and not reacting to it as a threat.
  • Researchers believe that optimal spacing serves the social and emotional development. It frees parents from meeting demands and pressures of two children that are close in age allowing intimate and supportive interaction with a relaxed relationship.
  • The older child has had a fair share of attention and they are more secure and have a greater sense of intellectual maturity together with independence, the older child will not see the baby as competition but as an adorable addition to family life.
  • The older child may be mature and ready enough to attend to delivery and this will aid the bonding. If the birth happens to involve a hospital stay, the older child will cope better with the separation.
  • There will most likely be a gentle approach to the new arrival Physical aggression is frequent from the ages of 2-4 and declines thereafter.
  • When they are, four or more years apart they accept help from each other more easily praise and teach each other.
  • Widely spaced children have a better level of communication skills.

The Drawbacks of the Wider Age Gap

  • Sibling jealousy as the egocentric first-born struggles to keep control of their surroundings, brooding on bouts of frustration.
  • Observational studies of parents has indicated that this gap is the hard to practice and cope with as the old child cannot be treated in a similarly was as the younger sibling but has not reached full capability of being able to fully engage in self-care independently.
  • Waiting before deciding to have another child may not be an available option for mothers who are reaching the end of their childbearing age.
  • The children are less likely to play together as one will be creating a Lego castle while the other will be trying to eat the Lego pieces.
  • The older sociable child will be actively engaging in concerts and parties while you have a toddler hopping about.
  • The older child will feel obligates to babysitting in the book Creating Your Perfect Family Size, the author Dr Alan Singer, described the wide age gap as:
  • “Having two separate families – one in which the older child has been the center of your attention for years, and one in which you may suddenly reframe that child as the perfect built-in babysitter”.
  • The bond may be weaker as having kids so far apart are having two kids growing up with very little in common.
  • Children approaching teenager stages do not see themselves in the same Children born years part will not share preschool, junior or high school stages or even college.

Depending on personal lifestyles and noting the life circumstances at hand, there are elements when deciding on the best age gap to prepare for and many realms to consider when embarking on the journey of ‘the sibling connection’ in your family make-up.

Comments are closed.

Menu Title